Why I love the woman I love!

This is especially for my reader Jessica T. As I said in “comments and feedback”, I do not have any stuff about JJ saved on my hard disks. So this will be a fresh post. It’s about why I love JJ and it may have some content that has been posted before. As an aside, I would like to ask Jess “This is the second comment in the past one year where you have asked for more posts on my relationship. Does it make you wonder?” If that’s so, maybe this post will make it clear that there is a difference between beating your head on the wall and digging at a mountain”. Besides, I have no closure. I don’t know. I really do not. However, today I will also write about how it’s hard on a relationship to hang on because of a connection alone. I can’t always ‘read between the lines’(得慢慢领会 – dei manman linghui; 体会言外之意 – tihui yanwaizhiyi; 从字里行间读出言外之意 – cong zikihangjian du chu yanwaizhiyi) and no matter how strong a connection you feel with someone you still need to talk and express your needs. You may not always read between the lines correctly and a shutdown of communication makes it hard for the relationship to survive. This is where faith comes in. And with faith comes another question. How long should one have faith? And before you even start reading, I would like to warn you that this post may not make sense at times. It’s going to be random because I will type as I think of stuff. I won’t be trying to formulate it into a concise clear post. Its just random rambling. Enough with the explanations. So WHY DO I LOVE HER? I don’t know. And I know. And I can express it. And I have no words to explain it. It’s magic, it’s mesmerizing. Isn’t that how love should be? What makes my relationship with JJ any different from your relationship with your man/woman? Aren’t all relations more or less the same, Love, understanding, caring, passion, support, sex, companionship, dreams, etc. etc. So why is our relationship different from yours? Because it’s me. And it’s her. Your relationship will definitely not excite me. You love your man/woman for him/her (Assuming you are in love and not together for other reasons). It’s different only in this way. You love who you love for who she is and who she is to you. I may meet your woman someday and not even notice her. Does that make your woman any less special to you? Thus I love JJ for who she is… and definitely for who she is to me.

Sex or Love? God or the Devil?

This is something I wrote about a year and a half ago. I have referenced the bible and a couple of books. This is especially for reader Cathy who has her views about sex. So Cathy, here are my views on “making love”. If you can believe it, ( I am male and therefore its assumed that I need to copulate to be even able to think. BUT..) I have been estranged from my woman a shade over two years now and we haven’t been intimate in just about a year. Yet in those two + years, I have not succumbed to temptation… and the Lord knows I had many temptations.

I am searching my computers and hard drives for that post and will put it up here as soon as I find it. Meanwhile here’s what I remember right now. In one verse of the bible, it says – Sexual relationships should take place at the right place with the right person in the right way at the right time. Not just any time is the right time. There is a proper time, a God time. I happened to read this just weeks after I met JJ. Let’s track back some 20+ years in my life. As a child, I came upon some sadistic porn where young girls were being abused. Girls no older than I was at the time. Never mind who was watching it and how I happened to see it. It traumatized me. I grew up believing the vagina was gross and due to the violence towards the woman in the video, I associated sex with pain, as not being pleasant. As a teenager, I had more than enough female attention and I did a lot of naughty things but firstly it was about me, secondly I never did the whole act (for obvious mental blocks – sex is not pleasant, its a violent act) and finally I never ever touched a woman down below (its a dirty thing isn’t it). All that changed with someone. So later when I read that verse from the bible, I did begin to believe that the right person, right time is God time. In fact, when I was getting to know JJ, we reached a comfort level very quickly and even before I started dating her, I remember telling her I thought sex was a troublesome thing. She too agreed. It all changed for us. Sex is a wonderful gift given to us by God and this physical world is intimately linked to deeper spiritual realities. It is more enjoyable to give then to receive (something women obviously understand better than men, they work harder to please their men while the men just work harder to please themselves). When you see sex as God deemed it for us, you will find pleasure like you have never known before. You will find that sex is not just a bodily pleasure, not just a pleasure of the flesh but also a spiritual pleasure. My girlfriend and I once spoke about it and she like me for the first time said “Making love is a beautiful thing”. It is not just a physical release and for the men reading this, please wake up. Sexual pleasure is for both men and women. If your woman demands or is dominant when it comes to sex, please don’t think of her as slutty. Women are sexual beings too and they have sexual desires. Allow her the freedom of expression. Sit back and enjoy it. My best moments with my love came when she expressed herself. And boy, did she express it a lot! And again for the guys reading this, please grow up. Don;t freak out if your woman says things to help you take care of your sexual health. It’s good to be informed what iss good fro your and what’s not. It’s even better if your partner is informed too. An example from my own relationship, my woman once said “I know my body very well, so let me tell you”. I was grateful she did. I know of guys who would freak out if they heard stuff like that.

All of us are susceptible to our passions getting out of control, overpowering both our will and reason and it causes great hurt and damage. This is the work of the devil. A man needs caring, admiration and sexual fulfillment from his partner and a woman needs affection, appreciation and intimate conversation with her partner. When these needs are not fulfilled, we open the door to the devil to sow the seeds of temptation and sin in the form of affairs. It happens slowly and over time and we may not even know it’s happening (this iss how the devil works – slyly) and then you are having an affair and hurting your partner and also God. For the guys again, if you are abusive towards your partner then you are abusive towards God. True pleasure comes from a secure, intimate relationship. By hurting your partner you scar her. I know, my lover had an abusive boyfriend before. It changed her outlook towards everything (not gravely thank God and I guess it also has to do with her understanding friend and her own approach to life but it did change it even if ever so slightly) just like my episode as a child changed mine. So first rule for guys, respect and appreciate your women, only then can you truly love them.

As I said, when I find that post on the hard drives of my computer, I will put it up here. Meanwhile if you cannot wait, I recommend the book GOD ON SEX. It will enlighten you much better than I can on how sex is meant to be and why we have abused it and abused God because we abuse sex and how the devil is the reason for it.

I have kept the Devil away these last couple of tough years. Have you?

A smile can say a lot!

While I was looking for the old posts that I have posted a few moments ago, I found this. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago but seems like I forgot to post it. So here’s another copy paste.

I was riding the esccalator with my mother in TianHe Cheng a day after New Year’s day. She has been having  hard time as her marriage of nearly 39years is on the rocks. No, not on the rocks, its OVER. Not much to smile about for her. And a lot of loneliness in GZ. She once asked me if she could call JJ. I know she asked because she was alone and because she has no daughters and because when she met JJ the last time, JJ had wanted to take her to ErShaDao and finally my mom didn’t go because of … YES, because of dad. I told her so much to just go but she didn’t. So she thought she would call JJ as she would then have company. I know she didn’t ask me about JJ for me. Because she had asked me how JJ was when I went to pick mom up at HK airport and I said “I dunno. I haven’t spoken to her in a while” Then mom said “When I go to China, she will talk to me at least won’t she? I will have her company, won’t I?” I replied, “I dunno mom, I think she would. My relationship with her is not great right now but I don’t think that should have any effect on you and her. You are independent of my relationship. But I really dunno cos I have not spoken to her for so long I am not aware of what is in her mind. It’s your choice if you want to call her or not”. Maybe my tone when I said it gave my mother the impression that I did not want her to call JJ. Though I wish mom did. They would have had so much to talk about. My mom’s experience would do JJ good. And JJ…oh JJ… my mom would enjoy her company I am sure. It would help her keep her mind of my dad at least while JJ was with her.

Anyway back to why I am writing this. So we were in TianHe Cheng and riding the escalator. My mom was lost in her own thoughts. There was a little girl no more than 4 years old on the escalator behind us. My mom snapped out of her trance and spotted the girl with the two cute pigtails and told me “look at her. so cute!” Suddenly the girl looked at mom and in a cute voice with a typical Chinese accent she said “Hell-ow” (hello). My mom face instantly lit up with a huge smile and she touched the girls cheek and said hi to her. Then she looked at me with a amazingly bright smile that seemed to say “did you see that? That girl is so lovely”. Meanwhile, seeing my mom smile, I smiled broadly myself but within seconds my happy smile faded into a smile but a slightly sad one. Thats because my mothers smile reminded me of JJ’s. It was the exact same smile that JJ had when we were on the great wall. The exact same smile when she saw a whole bunch of colored pens that I had got for her. That exact same smile that I saw so often for big and small experiences that we shared. She has so many smiles……

A smile that comes from her heart

A smile that comes when she is lying

A smile that comes when she is being naughty or raunchy

A smile that comes when she is hiding something

A smile when she is shy

A smile which she uses as a reply to a hello or a greeting

And it was a smile that had me hooked when I first met her. I didn’t pay much attention to her when I first met her. And then she smiled!!!

Here’s how to torture your man – harmlessly!!!

This is once again for my reader Jessica T.

I had originally written this as a continuation to my post about society and women and cheating husbands and the mindset of women (Chinese women in particular). I will find that post very shortly… Promise.

So here goes…

Women, when your men behave like typical men and hurt you, please don’t go and sleep with another man to hurt him. It may work and the passion will flare again but the crack that it leaves will soon catch up with your relationship and destroy it. If your man is an ass, just dump him and move on but if he is a keeper and just a little insensitive to your needs then torture him harmlessly. You will keep your relationship and trust me you will have him eating out of your hands.  So here we go….

1)  Keep showing him the most unflattering parts of your body and ask him “Am I not beautiful? Am I fat?” Ask him again and again. (warning: it doesn’t work if the man loves you like I do, I love every inch of my woman. LOL)

2) Next time you guys get busy under the sheets, pretend to fake an orgasm and then tell him that you faked it! It works in two ways… firstly the man makes you come more for hiss own ego then your enjoyment. So if you say you faked it, it hurts his ego and maybe even makes him feel a little incapable. And if he actually wants to make you come for you, then it hurts him because he thinks you do not want to waste your time on the act and so you faked it so you guys could stop. This makes him feel that you don’t like/love him enough. (Warning: doesn’t work on a man like me. I really wanted her to have fun. She would say I should too but I would say if I did, then I would get switched off and then how would I make her go 10 times tonight! Lol. My baby came every single time and I always wanted her to go again and again and again. So if your man is like that there really is no need to torture him is there?)

3) Treat him to a good massage – from a MALE masseuse. (warning: it doesn’t work on some guyss. We don’t even like the concept of a ‘massage’)

4) Go to the supermarket and do some research. Find out what they do NOT have in stock. Then come back home and tell him “Honey, I need this now and I need it desperately. It’s at this supermarket. It’s usually hard to find but I know its there. Make sure you don’t come back without it. And While you are there pick me up some sanitary pads aand don’t you dare ask whether I need light flow/normal flow/heavy flow. You ought to know by now”. (Warning: It won’t work if he just buys it from another market and the sanitary pads may not embarrass him, if he has already bought them before. And if its hiss first time and he doesn’t shrink in terror at the thought of buying them, does he need to be tortured? LOL)

4) Call him during the day when he is at work and be really naughty and tell him he can continue the raunchiness whe he gets home so tell him to come home early and ask him to bring condoms. When he comes home you are not there. You are at dinner with your girlfriends. LOL. For good measure, do it again. LMAO.

A woman doesn’t need a man so much as a man needs a woman!

SPECIALLY FOR MY READER JESSICA T. This is an old post from my previous blogs… Its just copy pasted so some of my regular readers may have read it before. I have three more that I shall post now in the same category.

Just a little argument not so much for men but to show women that they don’t need to put up with shit from a man. A woman does not need a man. Not as much a man needs a woman.

A woman has extreme power over a man. The one weakness that all men have in common is women. A woman gives a man an excuse to impress the rest of the world. She gives him the reason to take out that tux, gel their hair and show the world what they’re made of because what other time do they have to do so? With no one to impress, what’s the point of it all? A man doesn’t need to dress up for his guy friends because they wouldn’t care, they probably wouldn’t even notice. Therefore, a woman acts as a boost for a man’s self-esteem. Doesn’t a man with a woman by his side, automatically give you the impression that he has confidence? You don’t go around telling a guy, “Good Job man! You don’t have a girl!” No, you go around telling a guy,” Alright! You got a girl!” Since a good percentage of men have trouble with the opposite sex, a man who has a woman by his side is automatically revered by the less fortunate ones. All men aspire to be that one man who can make a woman fall for him. If you still don’t believe me, then there’s one more thing that I can say. A woman can make a grown man cry. Seeing a man cry is probably one of the rarest and shocking things the world has to offer. Although a man can also make a woman cry, he doesn’t have a whole siege of men ready to embrace him with chocolates and other sweets to tell him everything will be okay. If he’s lucky, he’ll just get a pat on the back, a look of sympathy and a few comforting words. Without women, a man would be as cold as stone. There would be no point for such emotions because who else are they going to give it to? Their dog? Their guy friends? Yeah right. If a guy came up to a guy and asked for a hug’ he’d either receive a punch or a weird look.  Seriously, without women, the world would be one cold and lonely planet.

Why a man needs a woman

ONCE AGAIN ESPECIALLY FOR MY READER JESSICA T. This is an old post from my previous blogs… Its just copy pasted so some of my regular readers may have read it before.

This is something I read once in Reader’s Digest. Then I read this again in some other book. I even had a Chinese version of this when I had it translated for my girlfriend but I could not find a copy of the Chinese translation on my computer. Here’s the original English version.

One of my persistent fantasies used to be of sitting at a sidewalk café in Paris. I would be writing with my pen in a notebook while smoking. I would not be writing economics. I would be writing a novel or perhaps poetry or even a philosophical treatise. But I would frequently raise my eyes to watch the girls go by.

I no longer have that fantasy. I do, however, eat from time to time outdoors at a restaurant on the street leading to the Kennedy Center. I don’t try to write there. Instead, I watch the passers by.

I am not concentrating on girls. I am concentrating on married couples, and I look particularly at the women. They are not glamorous. No Marilyn Monroes.Some are pretty, but many would be considered plain. Since they are on their way to the Kennedy Center to attend a play,an opera or a concert, one may assume they are above average in cultural literacy.In other respects they are,like most people,average.

But to the man whose hand or arm she is holding, she is not “average.” She is the whole world to him.

Genesis says, “ And the Lord God said:‘ It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” And so, “ made he a woman.” It doesn’t say that he made a pretty or a witty woman, or an any-kind-of-adjective woman. He made the basic woman. Why is this basic woman so valuable to the man? Three things:

Just something.

This is an old post from about 6 months ago. I am putting this post back here because a lot of you readers have been complaining that I don’t write enough. Copy paste takes no time and so I can stay with my limit of 3 hrs internet per week.

I actually wrote this to explain (to myself) how much I miss my girlfriend and how no matter how many words I use it can’t be as good as being there with me.  So I wish she was there everywhere. And that why I don’t take pictures anymore. I take some really beautiful pictures but I remember complaining to my girlfriend that pictures never justify the reason behind the picture. You can see the church, but can you smell the tofu?  Can you hear the sounds of the night? Can you feel the breeze? ((Lol. I was referring to the most beautiful picture of a church that I took in Ningbo and the smell of someone selling smelly tofu is still in my nostrils!)

Just something

I had the most interesting conversation today. I was at a friends for dinner and he had invited some other friends too. One of them was a cute couple. The wife was Indian (lets call her Diana) and the husband Chinese (lets call him Anthony). One of only two couples that I know of where an Indian woman has married a Chinese man. Usually it’s the Chinese women that are married to foreigners. They had a real cute daughter (lets call her Gaby). What I loved was the relationship Diana and her daughter had. They were more friends and less mother daughter. It was something I loved as usually we see a generation gap between parents and children. Yet here was this 12 year old teasing her mother freely and the mother treating her like a grown up. It was so much fun to hear Gaby talk about when they went swimming and someone was trying to act smart with Diana. And Gaby says “Be careful or my mother only has to shake her arm and all the fat will hit you and you will faint!” Most mothers would beat up their daughters if their daughters said they were fat. And Diana was talking about how Anthony has no bum! She said that they were on the water slide and Anthony would not slide down and just get stuck. And he would push himself with his hands only to move a foot or two and then have to push himself again. It took him forever to come down the slide! After the fun and games she spoke about how she was afraid for her daughter. How it was a bad world out there. But she never showed her daughter that she was afraid. She said she cannot stop her daughter living her life because mama was afraid for her. She said “I do my best to let her do what she wants and I try to stay one step behind to hold her if she falls”. She told me a few stories of strange men and strange things. It’s something she has to accept she says because her daughter is too gorgeous for normal Chinese. I must agree. She has the best of Chinese and Indian good looks. I told her how I was afraid for my baby and how once after a walk I left my girlfriend at her door and she said she would walk with me to the bus station. I said I did not want her alone in the middle of the night walking back from the bus station. She argued it was only a minute to the bus station and back. She wanted to talk to me till the bus came. I was happy she missed me so much she did not want to lose a minute with me. Moments after I got on the bus she told me someone had done exactly what I was afraid of. Someone had brushed against her body immediately after I got on the bus. She forgot about it but I could not sleep at night. Men are such bitches. I told Diana I understood her fears but what could we do? If we are too careful we restrict their freedom. But the fears are very real. My girlfriend has had an abusive boyfriend before and she didn’t dump him until the sister intervened and I am so afraid for her. Here we were a 30yr old bachelor and a 40yr old mother talking about our fears for the ones we love. Then we spoke about infidelity and how she said how women put up with it. How the world has changed but women still think of themselves as helpless against men. It was intriguing stuff. I wish my baby was with me. There is so much we used to talk about. Now we don’t even talk. And when we do, I eventually end up talking about where our relationship is going instead of talking about so many wonderful experiences I could share with her. This is something I really miss. Those talks with my baby. When I spoke of my experiences and she  spoke of her hopes and dreams. Last few months together we only argued and never talked.