A year and its memories!

The leaning tower may fall before we go!

This post is is a continuation of my earlier post about memories and their importance. A memory is not just about being a good memory or a bad one, and not just about whether it made you smile or made you cry. Memories also serve a deeper purpose. They are markers in time. You may not remember if you broke your favorite phone in 2005 0r 2006 but you can remember it was immediately after the first kiss with a special someone or a few months before you lost a good friend in an accident. Its not just a memory of a kiss or a death or a good holiday. Its a marking point on the page of your book of life. So too as I was going through my old emails I found a few pictures. This one is from just before Chinese New Year last year. I was in India and could not have been with JJ (from this point on to make things easier, I will refer to my baby as JJ in all future posts). So I had made a little card to wish her. The cute cartoon girl above the “Xin Nian Kuai Le” came from JJ’s QQ. She had that as her display image! The second cartoon was something I made to remind her of her promise to me to go see Italy with me in the coming year. Most people that take pictures with the leaning tower of Pisa pretend to either prevent it from falling or pretend to push it down. So I thought it would be nice, funny and different if she tried to push it down and I tried to keep it standing (naughty naughty! Not talking about sex here but the leaning tower of Pisa!) Lol.

When I found these pics, they served as a marker in time. Things done on/before/after/around that time came flooding into my mind. Memories are strange things but they tell you a lot about who you are and what your priorities are. For example its been exactly a year since I was last intimate but it seems like it was just yesterday. Whereas it’s been exactly four months since I last heard her voice but it seems like a lifetime. What does this tell me? It tells me that being close to someone is not just about being physical. It’s a lie if I am saying I don’t miss warming the sheets but I mean that since when I think of my last intimate encounter it seems like yesterday though it was a year ago. But when I think of when I last heard her smile at me on the phone it was “only” 4 months ago (ONLY in comparison to one whole year since I indulged in the bedroom). But that “only”4 months seem like a lifetime. I always knew I was not the kind to have one night stands as I cannot get intimate if I don’t like you and to like you I must know you. Of course it can be looked at from another way. If you are burning up the bed together, it also means that all is well in your relationship. How many of us can actually go to bed when in our minds we are unhappy with each other?

Other memories that come to mind – Chinese New Year. This year Chinese New Year and Valentine’s day fall on the same day. Now I am a person who does not believe in New Year, Valentine’s day, birthdays, etc. I am a person who says “everyday is to be celebrated”. Yet, memories are attached to certain days. I do not remember any Valentines day as I remember the Valentine’s day of 2007. It was the first day that I went to see JJ by herself. Usually her friend (the girl who introduced us) was always with her. I had gone to give her a gift for Chinese New Year as it was a day or two after Valentine’s day and she was leaving for her hometown in the morning. So I had just that evening to go see her. This year Valentine’s day falls on Chinese New Year and so that memory comes to mind. And its a marker for the first time I met her by herself and rode the MTR back with her to the bookstore opposite Tianhe Cheng.

On a lighter note, I have just bought my Chinese New Year underwear (bright red CK briefs when I was last in HK). Hehe. Like last year it seems I won’t be able to show them off!

Society has lost its meaning!

Society was created so that man would man would not be lonely. It was created for fraternal feelings where people could help each other in difficult times. It was to act as a support system. Today, society is the exact opposite of the support system it was meant to be. Today, society does not help people from being lonely but instead alienates them. This society is a demanding one instead of a open-armed supported. You have to conform or become a social pariah. Case in point – How often have you heard your mother say “what will people think? I will lose my face”. Shouldn’t society rally around the less fortunate and prop them up? Society these days, just puts you down. Take for example a good friend of mine. Chen had got married a few weeks ago. It was actually surprising news. She was introduced to the man by her parents. We were once very close but had an argument over JJ and I am unforgiving so I cut off my friendship with her. However, I was courteous enough to congratulate her. And I cared enough to ask her how she decided so quickly to get married. Her answer surprised me. I am getting old. “Have to marry. Or people will think something wrong with me” I asked, do you even know this guy enough, do you like him? She replied “who cares? if not today then tomorrow but must marry have the baby right? What it matter like him or no? This is the way. Must marry” Society it seemed put this pressure on her. When did 30 become old for a woman? Yes, it is nice for a woman to marry by a certain age but if she hasn’t found what she wants, why must she marry anyway? Why can men marry at any age but a woman is past her sell by date when she hits 30? In my opinion, marriage was invented by MEN. Men are jealous, possessive and insecure. MAYBE hundreds of years ago, men in their insecurity may have created marriage as a way of claiming a woman all for himself. It may have been a way for him to keep other men away from a particularly attractive woman and by inventing marriage he could do it with the consent of society. Of course, the men must have made it appear to the women

Winter!

I love the winter. I love the summer but here in China I believe I love winter more. Down in Guangzhou the winters are not too severe (this year has been colder though) and its just so perfect to curl up on a couch with yoru loved one and have some hot tea or coffee and read a good book. Taking a walk on the streets makes you feel alive as there is usually a light breeze and the blood warms up when you walk. And the women in Guangzhou usually do not have the best of dressing sense but winter dressing almost rivals the women from HK (hey don’t shoot me… the mainland has grown leaps and bounds in terms of fashion – HK of course cannot be matched). But winter makes Chinese women more feminine i think. Stockings, boots and fitted jackets. I love boots. Short skirts and long jackets. Smart hats. Luscious black hair peeping out from behind cute hats. Women look so very alluring. My friends call me the dog that chases the car. I love women and I admire them but they fall in my lap and quite often proposition me directly (is “take me home and f*** me” direct enough?) but I always turn them down.  They say I am like a dog that runs behind cars but what the hell would the dog do if he caught the car? Lol. I laugh about it but it does get worrying that only my girlfriend turns me on (I am MALE.. anything in a skirt is supposed to get my blood heated!) Oh my baby. Sigh. I have a whole bunch of Chinese books and magazines at home just for you. Wish I could curl up on the couch with you and some tea. Oh well. Winter will go and I will still be here.

Things I love and hate about China!

Once again, this post is one that is constantly updated as and when I remember stuff and when I am not too lazy to start typing!

In a couple weeks I will complete 7 years and enter my 8th year in China. Its been a ride that I never expected to last so long. I shouldn’t have even been here longer than a year. But here I am and along the way I have seemingly become “yi ban zhongguoren” (one half Chinese – though now I feel 85% Chinese)! In all these years in China, there have been ups and downs, love and hate.

Lets start with some of my favorites!

1. At the public urinals, Chinese men will always turn and peer and try to get a look at what you are packing! More than one guy was trying so hard that they almost turned enough to pee on me! The first few times it happened it was amusing, flattering even! I used to walk out with a big grin that said “you won’t ever get one that big”. But after the first few times it got on my nerves. Come on, a guy is trying to take a piss here. And now its just plain disgusting. Enough already. It’s almost gay!
2. I love how many times I have stood at a bus station staring at the numbers of buses that stop there and some or the other young eager Chinese person would timidly ask me where I wanted to go in the best English they could speak. It still happens these days but not as much as I don’t stare at the bus numbers, I read them! I read enough to get to about 40 destinations and of course top destination has always been ZhongShanBa! (中山八 – and it’s among the easiest to read and write too)!
3. The babies! They are all so cute and round and chubby and when its cold, their cheeks are very very pink! Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face!  Wonder what happens to all that cuteness when they grow up?!
4. The attitude of local men and women just so pisses me off. Women contribute more than men in every possible way. They work harder, they are more responsible, they are self-sufficient but yet they feel they are below the men and they really feel they need a man very much. How else can you explain what you see in the cafes? I usually sit in some café once a week and have some tea and read a book. I always see the guys sitting down and playing games on their mobiles and the women standing in line to order the food and then stand in the self-service line, pick up their food and bring it to the table. On a couple of occasions, I even saw the guy complain that the food was missing some sauce or flavoring and the girl went to get some for him. JESUS CHRIST! I am all for equality of the sexes and I treat women as equal and capable. But what the f***! How the hell can you even let your woman bring your food to you? Chivalry is dead. I would not even let my baby stand when we go went out to eat. Hell, if she comes home  I see to it all the time that she has tea and food first before anything else. Whats wrong with the women? Why do they still live in the past? It’s a man’s world because they let it be. When will they stand up and demand to be treated as equals if not superior?And what’s wrong with the men here?

Local Customs and Traditions!

This too is a constantly updated page. As and when I remember stuff, I’ll post them here. So do keep coming back.

One wonderful thing about traveling to any new country is the difference! Differences are not always a bad thing and some of the local customs in China are pretty amusing and charming! Here are some I have found useful over the years….

Gift Giving

Chinese people usually would not accept a gift or invitation when it is first presented. Politely refusing it two or three times is considered as being modest and humble (not so with dates… my darling just loved being asked again and again and again and again). Accepting something quickly is considered greedy and so too opening it in front of the giver. Wrapping it in Red and/or yellow and/or pink is considered very auspicious, lucky, bringing success and wealth. White, Grey and Black are no-nos as they are funeral colours. Besides there a few items that should not be given as gifts….

Clocks – The Chinese word for clock/time is similar to death and so giving someone a clock is almost like saying “your time is up”!

Umbrellas – Not to someone you are in a relationship with. I learnt this the hard way. I bought my baby an umbrella and she just wouldn’t take it. Did she think I bought it because I was feeling guilty for losing hers o the way back from DaMeiSha? She just refused and finally had me hand it to her sister! I later found out handing your partner an umbrella is like telling them “go away” or maybe its like “in times of rain (hard times), instead of sticking by me, you are telling me to walk away”

White or Yellow flowers – Especially Chrysanthemums. These are usually handed at funerals.

Red Ink – While Red color wrapping and ribbons are considered good, writing cards or letters in Red is a serious mistake. It signals the end of a relationship. (Hmmm, have I done that? Dang, I may have!)

Shoes – Another one of my mistakes! NO-NO for relationships. I always wanted to buy her shoes and she always refused. I found out it has the same importance as umbrellas “walk away from me” (see above).