Lots of people asking whether I have been blocked again. Indeed I have. But I have been able to get connected from a proxy server. However, due to recent events in my life affecting both friends and family, I am taking a break from this blog. I rather not post stuff than be negative (it’s the frame of mind right now). Will be back soon. Check back by mid-April.

PS: If you need any help/suggestions about Guangzhou or China in the time I am gone, just leave a comment. I will do my best to help.

Two of my friends died at the end of last month. I had known Sandra nearly 7 years and Rebecca almost 6 years. The two of them had gone to Sanya just for a holiday and never came back. They were standing on the edge of a cliff face overlooking the ocean and posing for a picture with Sandra’s dog Daisy, when Daisy leapt out of Sandra’s arms. This startled the girls and they lost balance and plunged into the ocean. Both girls were strong swimmers with Rebecca living, studying and working in Australia for over a decade and like me, she had a certain affinity for water. Water calms us and soothes us. When faced with suffering we always found solace by the riverside or seaside. Rebecca visited the beach a lot. And Sandra was a good swimmer too. I taught her to swim myself. I found out that when my friends slipped, the fall knocked out Rebecca and she drowned. Sandra had fallen into the water too but she had hit her head and neck on some rocks in the water which caused paralysis and someone found her and alerted the coastguard. When she had arrived at the hospital, she was already comatose. Sandra’s sister Nina had called me and found me in HK as I was coming back from the HK airport after putting my mother on the plane to Japan. I thought that as usual these sisters were playing a practical joke on me. But Nina’s choked voice told me she was serious. She begged me to go and I returned to HK airport and requested for the first flight to Sanya. On arrival at the hospital, the doctor took me aside and told me “there’s nothing that they could do. Her neck’s broken. Better make your peace. I thought I didn’t hear it right. I hoped it was just that my Mandarin was bad and I didn’t understand it correctly. I asked the doctor again and I got the same answer. Nina came back outside the ICU and asked me what the doctor said. I had no answer. As soon as Nina came out of the ICU, I put on my mask, gloves and gown and went in. Sandra looked like she had fallen asleep due to being very tired. A nurse walked in and asked if I wanted to be outside as she had to check Sandra’s wounds and she did not think I would like to see her like that. I stayed anyway. When the nurse turned Sandra to check the back of her head it was obvious she wasn’t just tired and asleep. The back of her head was twice as big in size and bore an ugly wound that would gross out any normal person. A thousand memories flashed through my head and at the same time I was praying she went quickly and peacefully. The nurse left. Nina knocked on the door to let me know she wanted to come in. Only one visitor was allowed at a time in the ICU. I went out and cried. I promised myself I would cry now and not cry again and not show any emotions to Nancy. Laura called and I told her doctors said Sandra’s condition was serious but there’s a good chance she will recover. She knew from my voice I was lying and she arrived from Hunan the next morning. By this time Nina had gathered the courage to speak to the doctor herself and couldn’t stop sobbing. Laura and Nina hugged each other and sobbed while I could only offer lame hope that the doctor says there is no chance but he is not God. I requested the hospital authorities to allow Nina, Laura and myself to be in Sandra’s room at the same time as it was her last few hours with us. (As it turned out Sandra was with us nearly 3 more days). Later that evening, a small miracle occurred. Sandra gained consciousness briefly but her mind was too muddled to understand where she was and what had happened to her. She was at first surprised to see Nina, Laura and myself as she probably thought she was at home. She couldn’t understand why the girls were crying and what we all were doing there. I explained she and Rebecca had been in an accident and she was in a hospital now and would be fine in a few days. She slowly remembered what happened and asked how Rachel and Daisy were. Nina couldn’t stop crying and left the room so that Sandra would not figure out she was dying. I lied that Rebecca was fine and like her was in another ICU room and would be fine in a few days and dogs were not allowed in the hospital but Daisy was fine too. The doctor came to see her and I went to take a picture with Daisy for Sam to see. When I came back the doctor was gone and Nina was talking to her and Sandra said she felt fine but her head was hurting and she wanted to sit up in her bed but she couldn’t. Nina did not how to tell Sandra that she could not sit up because her whole body was paralyzed. I lied again that because of the anesthesia she was still numb and that in a few hours the anesthesia would wear off and she could sit or maybe even take a walk with us. As I sat by her bed she said to me quite calmly “I’m dying, am I not?” I said “Of course not. Doctor says you should be fine in a week”. “No” she said. “I heard the nurses talking. They say it’s a surprise I am still alive. And if I am not dying then why are you here? Didn’t you say you cannot join us for the Sanya holiday because you had to load goods in Ningbo so how come you are here if I am not dying?” I protested that the nurses and doctors were not God. What they said did not matter. She was stubborn and I know she would be fine. And I was in Sanya because I cared for her and so postponed my order. If the client does not understand I’ll lose money but she was more valuable than any order. Sandra said “If I am dying, I don’t want that my father comes to see me. I want orange juice. I want to meet your girlfriend once before. I want to tell her not to let you go. I want to eat some fish balls. Sandra was still muddled in the head and we weren’t sure if we could understand everything she was saying. Nina left the room again as the pain was too much for her. I too was about to cry again so I lied to Sandra that I would go to Rebecca’s room and see how she was. I left and Laura went back in to sit by her. When I came back in, Sam had slipped back into a coma and Laura had fallen asleep in her chair. Later that night, I asked the doctor if Sandra’s waking from her coma in the evening improved her chances? He said he was surprised she woke but said that it doesn’t change anything. I think he said something that meant her spinal cord was broken and that her paralysis was permanent and it was unlikely that she would even wake up again. Nina cried herself to sleep. In the morning Nina’s husband arrived. He had brought a bible to place under Sandra’s pillow. He asked if he should bring a priest in case Sandra woke up again. I objected. If Sam woke up and saw a priest she would definitely know she was dying. That whole day Sandra lay there lifeless and didn’t wake up. Nina had just one question for me that whole day. “What will I tell my daughter when she tells me she wants to go meet aunt Sam?” Laura hugged me like I was the one dying and fell asleep. All I did the whole night was pray and hope Sandra would wake up. It didn’t happen. It was almost as if she was angry with us and ignoring us. In the morning I slept for an hour or so and I think I dreamt of Rebecca. The doctor came to check on Sandra. He said there was no change in her condition and none was expected. A nurse came and checked Sandra’s wound. I requested her to clean Sandra with a wet towel and the kind woman obliged. Nina put some cologne on the towel and said “Sandra smells nice now”. More crying. Sandra was still in her coma.

The night came and Nina said she knew in her heart Sandra would not see the dawn. The 3 of us fell asleep. I woke around 4am to find Sam looking at me. Do you know what she said? “Hey, dreamy eyes“! That’s what she always called me especially if I had just woken up! She was awake and her mind was clear. So clear that she didn’t seem like she was going to die anytime soon. Her voice was weak and she spoke with a slur because of the medications but her mind was so clear she was the usual talkative, smart and funny Sam again. She said “Let go of my sister and come give me a hug instead. I am still single, she’s not!”. I didn’t know how but I laughed. I was about to wake Nina and Laura when Sam said “Let them sleep. I want to talk to you first”. I went over and squeezed her arm. She said “What bad luck I have. I finally get you to touch me but I can’t feel it”. I told her to get well and she will get more hugs from me. She asked me again for my girlfriend. I said the same thing “When you get well I promise to take you to her and you two can talk as much as you like. She said “I know I am dying so don’t make me silly promises. I am not a baby so please treat me as an adult at least today”. I thought she felt she was dying because last time she woke from her coma, she had spoken about hearing nurses expressing surprise that she was still alive. So I said “Doctors are not God. I have faith in God. You should too”. She said “I spoke to God. He wants me. I just want to say goodbye”. We spoke for maybe 20-30mins. She then asked me to wake Nina. They spoke for a while. Laura woke up too. Soon Sandra was making us laugh and cry at the same time. It was the last time. She said she wanted to sleep. We just wanted to keep talking. But she said it was time for her to sleep. Nina climbed onto the bed from the other side. Between us, Sandra fell asleep. It was 5:11am in my watch when she slept. Sandra was declared dead at 3:18pm. For me, she had died at 5:11am.

I am searching my computers and hard drives for that post and will put it up here as soon as I find it. Meanwhile here’s what I remember right now. In one verse of the bible, it says – Sexual relationships should take place at the right place with the right person in the right way at the right time. Not just any time is the right time. There is a proper time, a God time. I happened to read this just weeks after I met JJ. Let’s track back some 20+ years in my life. As a child, I came upon some sadistic porn where young girls were being abused. Girls no older than I was at the time. Never mind who was watching it and how I happened to see it. It traumatized me. I grew up believing the vagina was gross and due to the violence towards the woman in the video, I associated sex with pain, as not being pleasant. As a teenager, I had more than enough female attention and I did a lot of naughty things but firstly it was about me, secondly I never did the whole act (for obvious mental blocks – sex is not pleasant, its a violent act) and finally I never ever touched a woman down below (its a dirty thing isn’t it). All that changed with someone. So later when I read that verse from the bible, I did begin to believe that the right person, right time is God time. In fact, when I was getting to know JJ, we reached a comfort level very quickly and even before I started dating her, I remember telling her I thought sex was a troublesome thing. She too agreed. It all changed for us. Sex is a wonderful gift given to us by God and this physical world is intimately linked to deeper spiritual realities. It is more enjoyable to give then to receive (something women obviously understand better than men, they work harder to please their men while the men just work harder to please themselves). When you see sex as God deemed it for us, you will find pleasure like you have never known before. You will find that sex is not just a bodily pleasure, not just a pleasure of the flesh but also a spiritual pleasure. My girlfriend and I once spoke about it and she like me for the first time said “Making love is a beautiful thing”. It is not just a physical release and for the men reading this, please wake up. Sexual pleasure is for both men and women. If your woman demands or is dominant when it comes to sex, please don’t think of her as slutty. Women are sexual beings too and they have sexual desires. Allow her the freedom of expression. Sit back and enjoy it. My best moments with my love came when she expressed herself. And boy, did she express it a lot! And again for the guys reading this, please grow up. Don;t freak out if your woman says things to help you take care of your sexual health. It’s good to be informed what iss good fro your and what’s not. It’s even better if your partner is informed too. An example from my own relationship, my woman once said “I know my body very well, so let me tell you”. I was grateful she did. I know of guys who would freak out if they heard stuff like that.

All of us are susceptible to our passions getting out of control, overpowering both our will and reason and it causes great hurt and damage. This is the work of the devil. A man needs caring, admiration and sexual fulfillment from his partner and a woman needs affection, appreciation and intimate conversation with her partner. When these needs are not fulfilled, we open the door to the devil to sow the seeds of temptation and sin in the form of affairs. It happens slowly and over time and we may not even know it’s happening (this iss how the devil works – slyly) and then you are having an affair and hurting your partner and also God. For the guys again, if you are abusive towards your partner then you are abusive towards God. True pleasure comes from a secure, intimate relationship. By hurting your partner you scar her. I know, my lover had an abusive boyfriend before. It changed her outlook towards everything (not gravely thank God and I guess it also has to do with her understanding friend and her own approach to life but it did change it even if ever so slightly) just like my episode as a child changed mine. So first rule for guys, respect and appreciate your women, only then can you truly love them.

As I said, when I find that post on the hard drives of my computer, I will put it up here. Meanwhile if you cannot wait, I recommend the book GOD ON SEX. It will enlighten you much better than I can on how sex is meant to be and why we have abused it and abused God because we abuse sex and how the devil is the reason for it.

I have kept the Devil away these last couple of tough years. Have you?

I was riding the esccalator with my mother in TianHe Cheng a day after New Year’s day. She has been having  hard time as her marriage of nearly 39years is on the rocks. No, not on the rocks, its OVER. Not much to smile about for her. And a lot of loneliness in GZ. She once asked me if she could call JJ. I know she asked because she was alone and because she has no daughters and because when she met JJ the last time, JJ had wanted to take her to ErShaDao and finally my mom didn’t go because of … YES, because of dad. I told her so much to just go but she didn’t. So she thought she would call JJ as she would then have company. I know she didn’t ask me about JJ for me. Because she had asked me how JJ was when I went to pick mom up at HK airport and I said “I dunno. I haven’t spoken to her in a while” Then mom said “When I go to China, she will talk to me at least won’t she? I will have her company, won’t I?” I replied, “I dunno mom, I think she would. My relationship with her is not great right now but I don’t think that should have any effect on you and her. You are independent of my relationship. But I really dunno cos I have not spoken to her for so long I am not aware of what is in her mind. It’s your choice if you want to call her or not”. Maybe my tone when I said it gave my mother the impression that I did not want her to call JJ. Though I wish mom did. They would have had so much to talk about. My mom’s experience would do JJ good. And JJ…oh JJ… my mom would enjoy her company I am sure. It would help her keep her mind of my dad at least while JJ was with her.

Anyway back to why I am writing this. So we were in TianHe Cheng and riding the escalator. My mom was lost in her own thoughts. There was a little girl no more than 4 years old on the escalator behind us. My mom snapped out of her trance and spotted the girl with the two cute pigtails and told me “look at her. so cute!” Suddenly the girl looked at mom and in a cute voice with a typical Chinese accent she said “Hell-ow” (hello). My mom face instantly lit up with a huge smile and she touched the girls cheek and said hi to her. Then she looked at me with a amazingly bright smile that seemed to say “did you see that? That girl is so lovely”. Meanwhile, seeing my mom smile, I smiled broadly myself but within seconds my happy smile faded into a smile but a slightly sad one. Thats because my mothers smile reminded me of JJ’s. It was the exact same smile that JJ had when we were on the great wall. The exact same smile when she saw a whole bunch of colored pens that I had got for her. That exact same smile that I saw so often for big and small experiences that we shared. She has so many smiles……

I had originally written this as a continuation to my post about society and women and cheating husbands and the mindset of women (Chinese women in particular). I will find that post very shortly… Promise.

So here goes…

Here’s how to torture your man – harmlessly!!!

Women, when your men behave like typical men and hurt you, please don’t go and sleep with another man to hurt him. It may work and the passion will flare again but the crack that it leaves will soon catch up with your relationship and destroy it. If your man is an ass, just dump him and move on but if he is a keeper and just a little insensitive to your needs then torture him harmlessly. You will keep your relationship and trust me you will have him eating out of your hands.  So here we go….

1)  Keep showing him the most unflattering parts of your body and ask him “Am I not beautiful? Am I fat?” Ask him again and again. (warning: it doesn’t work if the man loves you like I do, I love every inch of my woman. LOL)

2) Next time you guys get busy under the sheets, pretend to fake an orgasm and then tell him that you faked it! It works in two ways… firstly the man makes you come more for hiss own ego then your enjoyment. So if you say you faked it, it hurts his ego and maybe even makes him feel a little incapable. And if he actually wants to make you come for you, then it hurts him because he thinks you do not want to waste your time on the act and so you faked it so you guys could stop. This makes him feel that you don’t like/love him enough. (Warning: doesn’t work on a man like me. I really wanted her to have fun. She would say I should too but I would say if I did, then I would get switched off and then how would I make her go 10 times tonight! Lol. My baby came every single time and I always wanted her to go again and again and again. So if your man is like that there really is no need to torture him is there?)

3) Treat him to a good massage – from a MALE masseuse. (warning: it doesn’t work on some guyss. We don’t even like the concept of a ‘massage’)

4) Go to the supermarket and do some research. Find out what they do NOT have in stock. Then come back home and tell him “Honey, I need this now and I need it desperately. It’s at this supermarket. It’s usually hard to find but I know its there. Make sure you don’t come back without it. And While you are there pick me up some sanitary pads aand don’t you dare ask whether I need light flow/normal flow/heavy flow. You ought to know by now”. (Warning: It won’t work if he just buys it from another market and the sanitary pads may not embarrass him, if he has already bought them before. And if its hiss first time and he doesn’t shrink in terror at the thought of buying them, does he need to be tortured? LOL)

4) Call him during the day when he is at work and be really naughty and tell him he can continue the raunchiness whe he gets home so tell him to come home early and ask him to bring condoms. When he comes home you are not there. You are at dinner with your girlfriends. LOL. For good measure, do it again. LMAO.

5) If you are going to meet his family, make sure you end up showing his grandmother (by mistake of course!) the naughty tattoo on your bottom. If you don’t have a tattoo, then get a fake one and stick it on before you go to visit  his family.

6) On any morning when he is in a great mood, tell him ‘we need to talk’ just before he leaves for work. He will be left wondering all day what he’ll face when he gets home. Lol. (Warning: Will not work on guys like myself, because we would just cancel going to work and immediately sit down with you and say “baby, what’s the matter? What’s bothering you?”)

7) Go to the supermarket and do some research. Find out what they do NOT have in stock. Then come back home and tell him “Honey, I need this now and I need it desperately. It’s at this supermarket. It’s usually hard to find but I know its there. Make sure you don’t come back without it. And While you are there pick me up some sanitary pads aand don’t you dare ask whether I need light flow/normal flow/heavy flow. You ought to know by now”. (Warning: It won’t work if he just buys it from another market and the sanitary pads may not embarrass him, if he has already bought them before. And if its his first time and he doesn’t shrink in terror at the thought of buying them, does he need to be tortured? LOL)

Make things worse, get into bed in your sexiest underwear! and go to sleep! YEEHAA!

9) Study the TV guides.If he has a big game coming up, see what other T.V show is on at the same time. On the day of the game tell him “baby let’s sit at home and cuddle and watch TV today” Smartass that he is, he will think, I get to watch the game and I get some TLC (tender loving care). When it’s time for the game, tell him “Oh, my fave show is on. It’s a very important episode. You would die if you don’t see it” Then make him watch it with you!

Just a little argument not so much for men but to show women that they don’t need to put up with shit from a man. A woman does not need a man. Not as much a man needs a woman.

A woman has extreme power over a man. The one weakness that all men have in common is women. A woman gives a man an excuse to impress the rest of the world. She gives him the reason to take out that tux, gel their hair and show the world what they’re made of because what other time do they have to do so? With no one to impress, what’s the point of it all? A man doesn’t need to dress up for his guy friends because they wouldn’t care, they probably wouldn’t even notice. Therefore, a woman acts as a boost for a man’s self-esteem. Doesn’t a man with a woman by his side, automatically give you the impression that he has confidence? You don’t go around telling a guy, “Good Job man! You don’t have a girl!” No, you go around telling a guy,” Alright! You got a girl!” Since a good percentage of men have trouble with the opposite sex, a man who has a woman by his side is automatically revered by the less fortunate ones. All men aspire to be that one man who can make a woman fall for him. If you still don’t believe me, then there’s one more thing that I can say. A woman can make a grown man cry. Seeing a man cry is probably one of the rarest and shocking things the world has to offer. Although a man can also make a woman cry, he doesn’t have a whole siege of men ready to embrace him with chocolates and other sweets to tell him everything will be okay. If he’s lucky, he’ll just get a pat on the back, a look of sympathy and a few comforting words. Without women, a man would be as cold as stone. There would be no point for such emotions because who else are they going to give it to? Their dog? Their guy friends? Yeah right. If a guy came up to a guy and asked for a hug’ he’d either receive a punch or a weird look.  Seriously, without women, the world would be one cold and lonely planet.

That’s why men should act, well, like a man! There’s nothing wrong with admitting that the XY chromosome in you is hungry for another X chromosome. After all if it’s embedded in your genes, it would be useless to fight back. So if you’re a healthy young man, don’t worry. This epidemic that’s occurring among the younger generation can be cured with a little healthy dosage of chick flicks or a conversation with a female.  No matter how much you twist the world around, even if you go to the end of the world and back, you still reach the same conclusion. If you’re a man, just admit it. A man needs a woman. Need I say more?